Fairbanks, Alaska- Citizens gathered in front of a recently constructed chemical waste plant Wednesday to speak out against the lack of a Starbucks coffee shop on the premises.
Fairbanks resident and coffee connoisseur Nora Wilson has traveled the world looking for the perfect cup of Joe and says, “nothing beats the ‘buck.” She brought her ideas back to Alaska and accumulated a following of thirsty townspeople who claim it a birthright to have a Starbucks on every street corner.
And because of Starbucks’ worldwide popularity, Wilson worries that if rural Alaskan towns and corporate buildings like the waste plant don’t act now, there won’t be anything left for future generations.
“Where are my kids and grandkids going to get their coffee from if we don’t take action now?” Wilson commented, as the sickly deer traversed the newly laid concrete.
The new chemical waste plant, built upon acres of deforested land, is owned and run by American Red Bull Manager, Herb Wate, who is against polluting bodies with high-calorie, fat containing beverages like many drinks on the Starbucks menu.
“Got to stay in shape, got to stay in shape,” Wate chanted while racing from the front of the chemical waste plant to the lone tree planted in the parking lot.
The popular activist group Greenpeace also made it to the rally to show support in large numbers.
“Starbucks is so eco-friendly, man. So, check it, simile: It’s like we wouldn’t be harming the environment at all.” said a poetic Greenpeace spokesperson.
Starbucks supporters have drafted plans for town hall to show how easy it would be to open the coffee shop and they say the scent of coffee would drown out the horrendous odor coming from the chemical plant.
“By dumping some waste into a nearby river, we can easily convert a storage room into a Starbucks.” a cold and fatigued townsperson uttered.
But while the debates continue, city officials conclude, “Starbucks coffee shops will become less and less necessary once global warming starts heating things up.”
Fairbanks resident and coffee connoisseur Nora Wilson has traveled the world looking for the perfect cup of Joe and says, “nothing beats the ‘buck.” She brought her ideas back to Alaska and accumulated a following of thirsty townspeople who claim it a birthright to have a Starbucks on every street corner.
And because of Starbucks’ worldwide popularity, Wilson worries that if rural Alaskan towns and corporate buildings like the waste plant don’t act now, there won’t be anything left for future generations.
“Where are my kids and grandkids going to get their coffee from if we don’t take action now?” Wilson commented, as the sickly deer traversed the newly laid concrete.
The new chemical waste plant, built upon acres of deforested land, is owned and run by American Red Bull Manager, Herb Wate, who is against polluting bodies with high-calorie, fat containing beverages like many drinks on the Starbucks menu.
“Got to stay in shape, got to stay in shape,” Wate chanted while racing from the front of the chemical waste plant to the lone tree planted in the parking lot.
The popular activist group Greenpeace also made it to the rally to show support in large numbers.
“Starbucks is so eco-friendly, man. So, check it, simile: It’s like we wouldn’t be harming the environment at all.” said a poetic Greenpeace spokesperson.
Starbucks supporters have drafted plans for town hall to show how easy it would be to open the coffee shop and they say the scent of coffee would drown out the horrendous odor coming from the chemical plant.
“By dumping some waste into a nearby river, we can easily convert a storage room into a Starbucks.” a cold and fatigued townsperson uttered.
But while the debates continue, city officials conclude, “Starbucks coffee shops will become less and less necessary once global warming starts heating things up.”
1 comment:
Bonjour!
COMENT ALLEZ-VOUS, Amy?
BONE POSTAGE, MERCI.
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