Major airlines including Continental, American and Southwest, will soon be handcuffing passengers to avoid any in-flight disruptions or potential harm to crew members, a safety measure that experts say will make for safer, more enjoyable plane travel.
Steel-n-Girder Metal Corporation has already started manufacturing the cotton-padded handcuffs, which will be conveniently located in every back seat pocket for passengers to apply, and flight attendants to securely lock just before take-off.
“We decorate these same handcuffs with pink feathers and sell them to sex toy shops,” said
Steel-n-Girder CEO Thomas Chodak. “And we’ve received a pretty good response as to their effectiveness.”
To further acclimatize this new safety measure, adjustments will also be made to the food and lavatories in airplanes. Snack favorite Little Debbie has already started producing a line of sip-up meals including steak and potatoes and fish and chips, while medical companies are working on disposable catheters.
“We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep our skis safe,” flight attendant Patricia Gottlieb commented.
Although critics feel human liberties are being threatened at a price they don’t want to pay anyway, the consensus is that if it makes us safer—and ‘thwarts terrorists,’ as President Bush added in a recent, speech on the matter—then we should do it.
Steel-n-Girder Metal Corporation has already started manufacturing the cotton-padded handcuffs, which will be conveniently located in every back seat pocket for passengers to apply, and flight attendants to securely lock just before take-off.
“We decorate these same handcuffs with pink feathers and sell them to sex toy shops,” said
Steel-n-Girder CEO Thomas Chodak. “And we’ve received a pretty good response as to their effectiveness.”
To further acclimatize this new safety measure, adjustments will also be made to the food and lavatories in airplanes. Snack favorite Little Debbie has already started producing a line of sip-up meals including steak and potatoes and fish and chips, while medical companies are working on disposable catheters.
“We have to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep our skis safe,” flight attendant Patricia Gottlieb commented.
Although critics feel human liberties are being threatened at a price they don’t want to pay anyway, the consensus is that if it makes us safer—and ‘thwarts terrorists,’ as President Bush added in a recent, speech on the matter—then we should do it.
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