Walmart Offers Gynecological Exams at Check-out Lines

National - The American chain of discount department stores has announced that along with slashing prices on holiday dinner favorites, televisions and other electronics throughout their stores they will begin offering gynecological exams and last-minute medical care to customers waiting in the checkout lines.

The news comes just days after the store cut prices to help compete with other stores like Kmart and Target, who have drastically reduced prices in preparation for the holiday rush.

“I have to wait down at the welfare office for 3 hours every week, I don’t got time to see a doctor, so I can get a quick check-up when I’m in line to buy my cigarettes and ramen noodles.” Walmart shopper Barbie Petucki said.

Walmart spokesperson Seth McFaden says the exams will be performed by GED holders who are equipped with the basic anatomy skills and street smarts to detect the most elusive STD’s and infections.

“They know what a knife or scalpel looks like, and most of our staff has had to perform at least one abortion on their own already so we’re pretty confident in their abilities.”