White House Puts Nation’s Chuck E. Cheese’s on High Alert for Terrorist Threat

Washington – The White House placed Chuck E. Cheese's, a national chain of family entertainment centers, on high alert for terrorist threats today after an undercover detective witnessed suspicious activity near the Wac-a-Mole machine.

Special Agent Fox Mulder was collecting his tickets after a riveting game of Skee ball earlier today when he witnessed a middle-aged, dark-skinned man with lime green sunglasses in covert discussions with a crowd of teenagers.

"When I see a man like that, I immediately sense suspicious activity," Mulder said in his basement office. "And I have this badge so I can quickly determine a terrorist threat."

The FBI and the Department of Homeland Security have been monitoring certain family entertainment centers after studies showed they were a possible breeding ground for terrorists and terrorist activities.

A report released by the White House this afternoon confirmed that terrorists are drawn to the colorful plastic ball pit at several family entertainment centers, and suggested that a bomb could easily be hidden in Big Bertha, a mechanical woman whose belly grows as the gamer tosses plastic balls into her mouth.

“It could have been just some ageing hippie buying reefer,” Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano said, "but we must view any and all suspicious activities as a threat to ensure the security of this nation. And we must take immediate and severe action before we stop to ask questions."

Special Agent Mulder remained at the Chuck E. Cheese's through lunch to watch the animatronic show "Pizza Time Players," and then traced the suspicious man to a trailer park in Davie, Florida.

"At least I can sleep well tonight knowing that Chuck E. Cheese's is safe for now, and wake up tomorrow morning courtesy of my Chuck E. Cheese's alarm clock (10,000 tickets) and continue to monitor these family entertainment centers to ensure that they will be safe for the next generation of Americans."