Killer Whale Enters Rehab

Orlando-After killing yet another trainer at Sea World, killer whale Tilikum will enter a rehabilitation center to eliminate his hunger for humans while receiving treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Psychiatrists have monitored the mammal since the incident on Tuesday in which he dragged a trainer into the water and held her underwater long enough to drown her, and deduced that he is resentful at his small living space. Animal Psychiatrist Dr. Von Faust believes that a 12-step program will help him to deal with his anger issues and accept his position in life.

“They are usually not happy when they come in and lash out and it is very abusive at first,” Von Fraust said waving his right leg stump. “But I persist and try to teach them how to believe in a higher power and meditation techniques. And they either learn to accept their lot in life or we have to put them to sleep.”

The recent incident also has doctors questioning Tilikum’s ability to handle fortune and fame. T-shirts, mugs and baseball caps with his name and image can be found in gift shops throughout the amusement park and he has helped Sea World sell millions of dollars worth of ticket.

“It might also help their self-esteem if we gave them a name that’s a bit more peaceful than ‘killer whale.’ Sea World employee and member of the Center for the Obvious Seth Roebuck said.