Moscow-While searching for those responsible for twin suicide bombings that killed 39 in Moscow Monday, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin found five Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who apparently had been living in the Russian sewer system for the past decade.Nunchaku, katanas, a bō staff, and sais were immediately confiscated from the five Ninja Turtles and they were taken to Kremlin headquarters for questioning.
“One guy talk about where’s April and the other always asking for food, always wanting pizza,” Kremlin officer Nicholas Taskovich said with a frown. “I tell him Russia turn his face into pizza pie.”
After hours of looking through a series of comic books and websites the socially awkward, vitamin D deficient turtles’ identities were revealed, which led to further questions by the Kremlin.
“If you are superhero living in Russia sewer system, why you not help Russians?” one official asked.
A few hours later sage Master Splinter arrived and bribed the guards to set the turtles free.
The Ninja Turtles left their home in the sewers of New York in 1996 to pursue their arch-nemesis Shredder on foreign soil. When they returned to America a few years later they were dismayed to learn that they had been outshined by the Power Rangers and decided to start a new life in Russia.
The Ninja Turtles left Kremlin headquarters after agreeing to assist the Kremlin with fighting crime in the streets of Russia and the government is currently considering a new TV series Черепашки-ниндзя
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