Clinton Threatens to Break More Bones if U.S. Does Not Implement Universal Health Care Plan

Washington- Hours after U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton fell and broke her elbow on Wednesday she vowed to break more bones if the government does not implement her long sought after universal health care plan in the next few months.

Clinton was said to have been administered heavy sedatives just minutes before she began yelling expletives and ranting about what this country needs and how she is going to give it to them.

“This is only the beginning of what I am capable of doing,” Clinton spoke from outside The George Washington University Hospital just after she gave her ultimatum to the country. “I have grown in a deep and profound way,” she said in reference to the first grade morphine her health care plan covered.

The remainder of Clinton’s speech was inaudible due to further injections of sedatives on her request and she was said to have finally calmed down once home.

Republicans were quick to respond, claiming that Clinton’s efforts remain futile and only further their stance on why universal coverage is a bad idea.

“Women are so fickle and they always have to go the doctor’s to deal with their cycles and everything, so why should we have to pay for that?” Representative Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) said.