Lone Tree Responsible for Three-Car Pile-Up

Tempeh – A twelve-foot Chorisia insignis tree along interstate 40 in Arizona is being charged with murder after causing a three-car pile-up that left four dead and three others injured.

All of the victims were good friends, returning home from a peyote party in the desert when someone in the first car realized they were heading for a tree. Most assumed what they saw was a hallucination, but reality was confirmed after it was too late.

“It was a total buzz kill,” Wendy Sparks spoke through her ventilator. “I was paying attention to the dancing teeth in the waves, then wham—“

Lawyers are currently trying to work out the details of the case before going to court, but there is speculation suggesting any money they can claim for their injuries will come from the malicious tree.

“What is this world coming to when a mother has to be afraid of her kids getting injured by a tree,” Mary-Lou Pact, mother of one of the deceased teenagers said.

For now, the remaining survivors have been spotted congregating in hospital rooms to mourn the loss of their friends and share a ‘fat spliff’.

“If it’s one thing I learned from this whole incident, it’s to never try to change the radio station when you’re driving,” driver Tom Phills said.