Washington - The United States Air Force held a bake sale outside the Pentagon yesterday to raise money to purchase a long sought-after B-1 Lancer bomber.From 10am to 3PM, a squadron of officers sold chocolate chip cookies, apple pies, snicker doodles, and ‘fudge packer’ cupcakes (a specialty of Second Lieutenant Gaspecks) at reasonable prices from the side of the road.
“I beat those eggs just like I’m going to beat those Iraqi’s,” Airman Roy Chimiko said of cooking preparations. “And I’ll defend, and protect my snicker doodles anywhere, at anytime,” he finished with a salute.
Sales on the baked goods remained steady throughout the morning until neighborhood kids set up their lemonade stand across the street and began stealing customers who preferred a cool beverage on the hot summer day. Sales on the Air Force’s baked goods resumed, however after Corporal Buddy Holmes threatened the 8-year olds with a M120 120 mm mortar.
“We had to apply our mission in the armed services to this bake sale and dominate enemy operations in all dimensions,” Holmes said. “Bake, fight, win.”
Profits from the bake sale topped off at $58.03, a mere 1/9689th of the price of their prized bomber, forcing the men to take further action. Next weekend the Air Force will hold a raffle and talent show where Second Lieutenant Gaspecks will woo the crowd with his gun swallowing.
Other fundraising ideas include a car wash, Tupperware parties, and Bingo.
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