President Barack Obama was caught by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs harassing pigeons in the middle of public defecation rituals early Tuesday in the White House garden.The pigeons, said to be minding their own business, were suddenly frightened by the appearance of Mr. Obama who took the opportunity of a crowd to force-feed his Democratic position.
“I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals and to do everything you can to keep city statues clean and provide food for yourselves,” Obama said loosening his tie.
He went on to exhort the confused pigeons to “get cracking with building their own nests,” and “stop bumming around the streets looking for handouts.”
In response the pigeons rocked their heads two and fro in a mixture of inanity and hunger, and flew off White House grounds when the president attempted to shake their wings.
“Who does he think he is tellin’ us how to do our business?” Good Pigeon Wally the Wing said. “Is he some kind of a tough guy or somepin’? Then he tries to touch my wing? Who knows what diseases those humans are carrying?”
Area pigeons shared their outrage with several conservative organizations accusing Obama of trying to pitch his arguments too aggressively to a minority that has no relevance to human affairs.
“Pretty soon they’re going to start chirping about pigeon rights and once they get their laws in place it will ruin things for myself and every other public urinator out there,” Fox News host Sean Hannity said.
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