Cows Upset About Pork in Healthcare Reform Bill

Nebraska- Cows came out in force Sunday, protesting all of the pork Senate has stuffed into a U.S. healthcare reform bill—in particular for Nebraska Democrat Ben Nelson—to facilitate its passage.

The animals say they feel cheated by swine after decades of providing a variety of meats and rinds to the American people and are disgraced by the ability for “some little piggies to get their way after going ‘wee, wee, wee’”.

“I’ll rip out my side and give it to a family of four as long as the American government stops stuffing swine into everything in this country,” spokescow Sammy Moo said. “America is all about all-beef and I for one would like to keep it that way.”

The cow community put up quite a moo as they marched to City Hall to demand justice where spent the ensuing hours presenting the crowd of politicians and news stations with figures and charts validating the superior health benefits and nutrients in their red meat.

Additional spending and provisions in the bill, considered wasteful by most critics, includes money for walking paths, jungle gyms and farmers’ markets around the nation, along with a cool $45m for Nelson's state of Nebraska over 10 years.

“We cost $3.99 lb at the local grocery store,” cow leader Al Beef said. “These pigs live in squalor and fill up humans with cholesterol and empty calories which will drive healthcare costs up even more.”

The protest remained mostly peaceful with only three tippings from local miscreants and off-duty officers, and the cows retreated to their pastures by 8 that evening.