Sarah Palin’s Breasts Push Political Agenda

Washington – The breasts of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin made a public appearance last night at the Elkin Strip Club in Wasilla, Alaska to deny charges that they were recently augmented and to discuss politics with the drunken crowd.

The buoyant twins took to the stage just after 2 a.m. and showed off their natural beauty to the beat of The Eurythmics while dissuading the crowd from same-sex marriage.

“The more that chic shakes her melons, the more I believe in her political message,” Elkin regular Wally Marsh said.

Since Palin has added dancing to her repertoire of talents, her popularity among middle-aged and old white males has skyrocketed and there are hints that she may pursue the presidency in 2012, using her breasts to get to the top.

“I had to pay a fee to get up on that there stage,” Palin said, “and doggonit I am glad to have done it because now people will really listen to my message. I am a proud American.” Palin lifted her shirt to expose red, white and blue painted breasts.

McCain-Palin Reunite to Form Folk Band

Washington-Two thousand and eight presidential and vice presidential candidate John McCain and Sarah Palin announced earlier today that they will be forming a Folk band titled, Stocking Gun and the Gang.


The two solidified the idea after a drunken bout of impromptu singing at Bob’s Pub off Interstate A1 in Alaska late Sunday night after it was clear that their republican message was not being heard.


“They didn’t seem as friendly as the regulars we get here. Kind of angry at one another,” Bar owner Bob Cobb said. “And the old guy kept rattlin’ on about a voice and pointed to the microphone so the woman staggered over and started singing.”


Palin’s a cappella version of Madonna’s Like a Virgin was met with little enthusiasm from the three patrons of the bar until she started unbuttoning her suit jacket.


“My friends, if my friend [Palin] can make five dollars for a few minutes worth of work, well, that tells me the American dream is still alive and well. And together we will preach that dream to the American people.”


The duo are scheduled to being voice lessons and have already begun writing songs for their first album, with titles including, Will My Neck Ever Grow Back, Abortion-bortion Gives Doctors a Fortune and My Love, My Gun.


“I think the people of America will be more receptive to our political message through harmony and with a tambourine doggone it” Palin said from inside the Chanel store on Rodeo Drive where she was trying out ‘hippie skirts’.