National - The Virgin Mary has been appearing in unseemly places across the nation, leaving destruction and fear in her path.
Grace McLaurel, 58, was driving to the hospital to visit her dying husband, when an image of the Virgin Mary appeared in her rear view mirror. The already distraught woman lost control of the car and drove into a ditch, leaving bruises and scrapes on her forehead and upper body.
“I’m a religious person, but this is going too far,” said McLaurel. “Doesn’t she know she’s supposed to be helping people?”
McLaurel is one of many Americans being haunted by images of our so-called Mother Savior that are causing razor blade mishaps, vegetable chopping incidents, and various other fatal and near-fatal accidents.
“She’s been around long enough to know better than this,” said recent victim Christopher Kent, who is recovering from a testicular mishap after the virgin’s image appeared on bed sheets in the brothel he frequents.
Police and the U.S. Army have deemed Mary ‘the phantom menace’ and are currently working on ways to prevent her from striking again.
“She is recklessly endangering the lives of Americans,” Sergeant Peter Pecker said. “And when we find this virgin lady, we’re going to give it to her real good.
Grace McLaurel, 58, was driving to the hospital to visit her dying husband, when an image of the Virgin Mary appeared in her rear view mirror. The already distraught woman lost control of the car and drove into a ditch, leaving bruises and scrapes on her forehead and upper body.
“I’m a religious person, but this is going too far,” said McLaurel. “Doesn’t she know she’s supposed to be helping people?”
McLaurel is one of many Americans being haunted by images of our so-called Mother Savior that are causing razor blade mishaps, vegetable chopping incidents, and various other fatal and near-fatal accidents.
“She’s been around long enough to know better than this,” said recent victim Christopher Kent, who is recovering from a testicular mishap after the virgin’s image appeared on bed sheets in the brothel he frequents.
Police and the U.S. Army have deemed Mary ‘the phantom menace’ and are currently working on ways to prevent her from striking again.
“She is recklessly endangering the lives of Americans,” Sergeant Peter Pecker said. “And when we find this virgin lady, we’re going to give it to her real good.
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