New York Doormen Still Waiting For Sidewalk to Grow

New York City door attendants, notorious for hosing down sidewalks in the early morning hours, are fed up that their concrete has not grown, and announced an initiative to promote sidewalk proliferation.

“Concrete America,” had their first meeting last night on the city’s Upper West Side, where doormen and maintenance workers shared their experience being amateur ‘white thumbs’ and spoke of their hopes for the future.

“I see a world with concrete as far as the eye can see, that grows out of the ground like vegetables, where little kids can roll around on it and play,” sidewalk hoser Sam Redkin said from the podium.

The doormen concluded that they would achieve their goals by following in the footsteps of the green initiative and offering seminars on where concrete came from as well as tips on how to maintain a healthy sidewalk. Some even spoke of opening a store that sells sidewalk production tools, like sidewalk buffers and mowers, hoes, rakes and cement mixtures and food.

“Someday, I’m going to mow this sidewalk,” 224 W. 90th doorman, Larry Mack said, scraping his hand along the rough surface.