Mail Bombers Protest Elimination of Saturday Mail Delivery

Washington-Mail bombers and terrorists from across the nation came out in force this morning at USPS headquarters in Washington, D.C. to protest the Postal Regulatory Commission’s proposal to eliminate Saturday delivery.

They held up irrational signs saying ‘we work 7 days a week and so should you,‘ and ‘government takes fun out of killing,‘ and spoke of their need for Saturday delivery to maintain production, delivery and defusing schedules of bombs and air-born contaminants.

“We rely on the Postal Service to deliver our bombs and anthrax to enemies and strangers,” self-proclaimed Texas terrorist Kurt Dower said. “But if they keep taking away our rights, every terrorist in this country will be out of work.”

The news is also harrowing for Terrorists In Training, a non-profit organization that trains young misfits who have looked to the likes of such terrorists as Timothy McVeigh, Franz Fuchs, and Ted Kaczynski for ideas and guidance in their own terrorist activities.

“I’ve spent the past six months learning how to properly wrap a bomb in a package and now I’ll have to learn a new set of terrorist skills if I want to be more than a TIT,” 14-year-old Frank Macky said.

Since the proposal went public there has been a surge of Cyberterrorist Use of Nuisance Training programs that teach potential terrorists how to attack via webinars and online courses.

Professor Hall Oates from the Cyberterrorist Use of Nuisance Training program in Denver commented on the changes in mail delivery and Internet use via e-mail. “In the 21st century, it is better to be a CUNT than a TIT.”