New York- The New York Police Department will train all officers not to be afraid of unarmed black men, police chief Wiggum announced Monday on the steps of City Hall.
The new measure is due to the excess of deaths in metropolitan areas where white police officers are shooting at innocent black men who are helping old ladies carry groceries home or leading school children safely across a busy street.
“Truth be told, our boys are afraid,” Chief Wiggum said in an interview following the announcement. “Even the black officers.”
A recent study on the matter suggests the majority of officers are ignorant of the communication skills needed to exchange a few words with another of the human race, without the use of a defense mechanism.
Training sessions will include 5 hours of speech therapy per week and another 3 hours per week of TV time, where the officers will watch episodes of the Cosby Show and Family Matters to help them adapt to another ethnic group.
“Hello, my name is Lieutenant Denmarc,” an officer attempted at the latest training session, holding back an impulse to pull out his weapon. The neophyte continued with basic sentences for a few minutes before cutting one of the speech therapists’ throats out of fear of speaking to a woman.
The new measure is due to the excess of deaths in metropolitan areas where white police officers are shooting at innocent black men who are helping old ladies carry groceries home or leading school children safely across a busy street.
“Truth be told, our boys are afraid,” Chief Wiggum said in an interview following the announcement. “Even the black officers.”
A recent study on the matter suggests the majority of officers are ignorant of the communication skills needed to exchange a few words with another of the human race, without the use of a defense mechanism.
Training sessions will include 5 hours of speech therapy per week and another 3 hours per week of TV time, where the officers will watch episodes of the Cosby Show and Family Matters to help them adapt to another ethnic group.
“Hello, my name is Lieutenant Denmarc,” an officer attempted at the latest training session, holding back an impulse to pull out his weapon. The neophyte continued with basic sentences for a few minutes before cutting one of the speech therapists’ throats out of fear of speaking to a woman.
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